Many supervisors treat their employees unfairly. Although unfortunate, and in many cases unacceptable, this is not the topic that I wish to ponder. Instead, it is the victimization that we inflict upon ourselves that has begun to concern me deeply.
Perhaps I am overly sensitive to its symptomology. Whether it manifests as sadness, disappointment, or anger, there is a rawness of emotion, an underlying fragility and often a core of fear. While each unique, the stories reveal a common sense of loss, hopes and promises unrealized, broken trust, and unmet needs.
I am not a therapist so I resist the urge to deal with feelings directly, to analyze the patterns or judge responses. But I do acknowledge the emanating emotionality that follows like a scent, a shadow that shades one’s glow.
Once acknowledged, I flip the conversation to focus on talents, contributions, and sense of appreciation that we all crave and deserve. I try to point out ways we can assess our value, find spaces to grow, to free ourselves from the typical indicators of worth and success- a raise, a title, validation, dangerous commodities that are entirely outside of our control.
I do know that everyone wants to grow, to make contributions, and to feel valued- these are fundamental needs that should not be dismissed or minimized. But the best place to work on these is from a position of strength. Once we are vulnerable and our emotions are raw and triggered, we are more prone to the damage that absence can inflict.
I guess my concern about victimization is a larger concern about vulnerability, and the power we give to those who control access and opportunity. I do not trust that all leaders will administer them fairly, that they understand the untapped talent and potential that surround them, that they have the skills, interest, or sense of humility and gratitude necessary to fully nurture their charges to their fullest potential. That is not their focus, their point of accountability, or sense of worth.
To be clear, the solution lies not in dimming or numbing our need for growth or validation. Instead, we need to empower ourselves and one another to be strong and vibrant, to hold our energy and promise, and to grow and contribute even in the face of poor supervision, instruction, or leadership. We cannot continue to give our power away to those who may not honor or nurture it- it is too valuable and precious to squander.
Simply put, we can no longer afford to be victims. Nor can we fully actualize our collective potential when talent remains trapped under layers of hurt and anger. Sometimes I wish I could turn on a switch and behold the true radiance of everyone around me. What could we achieve with all of us shining at our brightest? Think of the illumination and change that it could bring. Imagine how it would feel.